It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize