mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
