drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
