The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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