He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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