You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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