WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
