I can text with my tongue
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
