i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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