i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
