I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize