oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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