i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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