i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
