Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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