Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
