I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
