who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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