u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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