At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize