If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize