eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Randomize
