2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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