ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
