Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
