i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
