New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
