You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
