ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
