I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
