Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
