I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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