i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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