He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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