I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
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