His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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