i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
