Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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