Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
