drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
