I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize