i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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