I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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