Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
