i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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