I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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