But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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