How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
