Sponge bath it is.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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