My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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