so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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