It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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