i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
