is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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