At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize