Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
