i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
