I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
