I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Two words: blizzard sex
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
