yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize