I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
