Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
