first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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