he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
