You're so nebulous sometimes
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
