WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize