didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
