Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
