Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
