omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Randomize
