I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
All the doctor said was why
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
