marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
