So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
