Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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