Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
